In a surprise move no one saw coming, Marty and Remmy claimed a majority of GEN3's food bowls. Oggi actually had millions more kibbles (he is a dog) but the cats hissed he was a fraud and that they were in control now. "Leash Him Up!", they chanted. According to an arcane pet food law, the cats have in fact legally won.
Our new leader and Litter Box Tycoon, Marty.
Everyone at GEN3 is pretty shocked. Some approve, while others are aghast. We tried pointing out that our mascot is a dog but Remmy just meowed, excuse me, barked that he and Marty were alternative dogs. None of us are quite sure how to reply to that.
To make matters worse, Oggi and a number of us in the office have heard rumors and seen some troubling evidence that Marty and Remmy got assistance from some Russian Blue cats. Every time we bring it up though Marty just hisses “fake meows!” It's pretty unsettling really.
As a matter of fact, criticizing nearly anything done by the new catministration altdogministration results in their press secretary Melissa MeowCarthy looking for ways to blame Oggi, or dredging up Oggi's email habits and the Barkghazi scandal.
While Marty may be the new face of GEN3’s Mascot in Chief, everyone knows Remmy is the one actually running the show. He’s got a shady past and there's considerable controversy over some of the things he's howled. So it's no surpise he's lurking in the shadows of government, rather than in the public limelight. Make no mistake though, he's the one pulling strings and batting around balls of yarn.
Chief Advisor, former editor of HowlingCrazyCat.com and true wizard behind the curtain, Remmy.
Oggi has largely kept quiet since the feline, sorry, alternative canine victory. He prefers to escape the spotlight rather than argue with cats, sorry I'm still trying to get used to this new reality, alternative dogs that refuse to accept facts. This would all be extremely jarring for everyone at GEN3 and all our fans and customers if it weren’t some ridiculous April Fools article. Regardless of your political position and opinions you have to admit, for better or worse, truth has been stranger than fiction lately. To all our friends on both sides of the aisle, let’s have a collective laugh purr alternative bark for April Fools Day.
Oggi is still Mascot in Chief, so give your friendly neighborhood home experts a ring if there’s anything we can help you with. Oggi will happily answer any questions you have, big or small, and dispatch our finest technician without delay!